...or I'll have to hire a hitman! (hitperson?!)
On any given day, I check my email to find a total of 30 emails. You'd think I was popular or important or something like that.
This is the email I use for the more important things in life. It's on my resume, my professors have it, my more 'important' friends who actually use to communicate with me all have the address.
Unfortunately, on any given day only about 4 of the emails, if I'm lucky, were actually written by someone and intended to send them to me. The rest: forwards.
What is it with Arabs and forwards?!
Why is it that they feel obliged to send you meaningless jokes, urban legends (which have been debunked years ago), dua'as that come with the requisite "if you don't forward it to 15 people you do not love Allah and the Prophet." Since when did pestering people be the mark of Allah's love?!
So I came up with these rules that I share with my contacts at least once a year regarding forwards:
1) If I'm never gonna own it, I don't want to see it. Yes, that includes the amazing yacht, the cars of the future, the spaceship, and the bungalow in the tropical island.
2) If its a dua'a I know, or you received it as an email, I don't want it in my inbox.Chances are its been going around for a couple of years and I've seen it a couple of times already. Not wanting you to miss out on ajer? Memorize it, or write it down, and next time I see you tell me all about it.
3) If it's not your baby, I'm not interested. And if it is your baby, then please make sure I haven't seen the kid in at least two months--unless I've asked for them.
4) If it's something that is a "miracle", such as a tree trunk that spells out the word Mohammad, or a picture of Noah's arc, I'm not interested. I already believe. My inbox has no room for your miracles.
5) If you've seen it twice before, then I've probably seen it a couple of times as well, do NOT send it.
6) If it involves some sort of conspiracy theory, I don't want it crowding my love-letters (right). If it's about a church built with Muslim bones, how pepsi killed is destroying Al-Aqsa, or how the Free Masons are trying to prevent our fertile wombs from bearing God-fearing Muslim children with skinny jeans, do not send it!
I don't buy that crap and will often reply with facts. You don't want me bursting your bubble, I don't want to get annoyed.
7) If it's pictures of actresses/actors both Arab and foreign, with or without make-up, I'm not interested. Chances are if they're Arab, I won't know them and I'll think they're your sister or something. (Usually not a good thing.
8) If it's a chain letter, spare me.
9) If it's about this new discovery that praying actually neutralizes your body's negative energy...or some metaphysical crap like that, don't send it.
I'll continue to pray whether or not it does anything for me. And if I'm ever interested, trust me I'll eventually find it on the WWW. (or if you're dying to share send a link.)
10) If it says something like "you're my friend" or "today is friendship day, send this to your friends including the one who sent it"...yeah NO.
Clearly, if you were my friend, you'd write your own email. How about a "Hey! What's up?! I was thinking of you today and thought I'd drop you a line." That's much more appreciated than recycled feelings.
Get the general idea??!!
The truth is I almost never read them, I just delete them.
But seriously, what is it about Arabs and forwards?!!!