10 October 2009

image from here

A few of my friends are getting engaged and married in the upcoming months. And as deliriously happy as I am for all most of them, I'm also ridiculously sad. They're moving on. The nature of our relationship is no doubt going to change.

The worst part is this, because it's marriage I'm almost not allowed to acknowledge how sad I am to lose them. It's selfish to think "well, I'd really rather you not get married because I enjoy your presence in my life", and it's even more selfish to say anything about it especially when this friend is emotional to begin with.

Yes, friends come and go, and as long as they're healthy and happy, I am or should be as well. But at least with a friend who moves away I get to throw a farewell party and talk about how sad life's going to be without them. "I'm happy you're going to grad school," I'd say through tears, "but it sucks that I'm not going to be a part of your everyday life for six years."

But because they're getting married (and mostly to people I don't know), there's no time frame for when they're going to be "back", or any clue into how their lives will change, or what I'm losing.

This whole post seems juvenile, selfish, and ranty to me. I'm sad, really, that is all.


Anonymous said...

I didn't know it was the same with girls.

Pretty much all the guys I know who got married said they wouldn't change and that nothing would alter our hang outs together but you discover that's not the case.

Bas with girls it's easier to click with married girlfriends, because as we know life in Kuwait for a married kuwaitiya is hmmm... 'calmer'.

The guy however, he feels like now that he's married, he has to change and be mature, thus the cutting of ties or certain activities they used to do with their friends has to go.

But again with girls here, I don't think that's necessarily the case.

I don't want to sound sexist but I'm a realist and yeah...

And it's not juvenile, or selfish to wonder if things are ever going to be the same with your friends.

What's juvenile, going 'oh they'll be back' with a childlike naivety or thinking about the changes going on in their lives?

Anonymous said...

After reading some of your older posts, I must say you are intriguing, I don't know why your blog hasn't become one of the 'it' blogs in the local scene but I guess I'm secretly glad of that.

That sort of e-fame tends to deteriorate the quality of a blog.


G said...

I guess it's a case of greener grass elsewhere because I always thought guys had it easier. They don't have as many inlaw social obligations (and the shopping and primping that goes along with that).

hewhowasexiled, thank you for the flattery, I enjoy my little quiet corner of the internet, I'm glad you do too.

Recoletos said...

I don't think its selfish I think it's true... and I think u should start expressing these emotions to your soon to be married friends.. just in case they were thinking that you were indifferent...

i have a question... what if your 'friend' wasn't part of your everyday life before marriage.. will the change after marriage be that they will be closer?

hmm just a thought

eshda3wa said...

i totally understand what ur saying

it is sad!

Anonymous said...

Only for a while. Life moves on. When you are newly married, it's a whirl of new responsibilities and roles, and it takes focus. One day, maybe after the third baby pops, the GF looks at herself and says "where is the girl I used to be? I used to have fun!" and her husband tells her to call up one of her old friends and go out and have coffee, and she does.

You'd be surprised how much you still have in common. Even totally different lives have points of intersection in which a rich and long friendship can thrive. :-)

My best friend from college is still my best friend, and our lives have been WAY different, and mostly on different continents. :-) Forty years of friendship. :-)