14 August 2007

The decider who keeps on fallin'

You know that dream where u fall off a cliff and get that weird feeling in your gut but u always wake up before you hit the ground. I've been on that bottomless tumble for awhile now. It feels like I keep on fallin'.

I broke down. Yep that's right! Just like the sheets of parched sand I stomped around in as a kid in Mena Abdullah's chalets, I'm starting to crumble...all at once and bit by bit. I wore diamonds to a hospital. Granted its not really a hospital, Royal Hayat is more a fancy shmancy maternity hospital and spa I guess than a real hospital.
Nevertheless, I cracked. Two years ago I vowed that I would not be one of those people that got dressed to the nine's to visit someone at the hospital. Anyway, a relatives' istihbal/isti8bal (post-delivery baby reception) brought that promise to myself crashing down. I'm still wandering around in the debris searching for pieces of myself.** Oh well. It wasn't so bad, I don't think, it just scared me that I did it without thinking twice. Sure, I feel guilty about it now but as I was getting dressed it felt right.

On a more cheerful note, I quit my job a few days back. No, I have nothing lined up but I'm currently looking for a job. I woke up one day two weeks after writing a pro/con list about my job (the con list was two pages long; the pro list had two items) and decided that I need to take back my life. I kept thinking "I am the decider" as I walked into my boss's office.*** Receipt in hand, I returned my soul from the oil-rich devil and I've never felt better. Honestly though, I need a job.

I've wondered around here before about how one goes about doing that? Some tell me that emailing your resume to companies is a little desperate and no one really pays attention. Others tell me to cold call companies I'm interested in and ask to talk to someone and email my resume that particular person. I should start doing something pretty soon.

**I love drama sooo much I could be a 5aleeji soap star.
*** It's strange how Bush's words can be a source of motivation in my life.

Today's lesson: Productivity is over-rated; being a bum is quite rewarding.

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