Things I learned over the past four years...

graduation cap cupcake originally uploaded by clevercupcakes

It hit me last night that I've been out of college for four years this May. I decided to channel all my freak out emotions into an advice piece for recent grads:

1) Being a lifeless drone is a choice most people around you will make. You don't have to do it.

2) Your friend's lives will diverge, some will get very demanding jobs, others will have families, others will leave to go to grad school. Friendships will require more energy and time if you want to keep them.

3) Networking with men (for women) is much more difficult but necessary. Do too much of it and you're easy and too eager, do too little and you limit your access to opportunities. Find yourself a comfortable balance.

4) Most people don't know what they're doing, you're not the only one. Make it up as you go along, be confident in your ability to learn.

5) If you don't get married, it's okay. People are going to treat you like your dying but you're really not.

6) Be happy for other people's successes, life isn't a race, you're heading to different destinations anyway.

7) Find something you'd like to get involved in, (especially if you have a soul-sucking job) do something for other people.

8) Ask for what you want (I'm still working on this one) if you don't know what you want ask for what you think you want. If it turns out you don't want it, thank people for their help and move on.

9) Don't put yourself/undermine yourself especially not in front of people. They will believe what you say about yourself. (Don't be cocky either, no one likes that.)

10) Take a deep breath, it'll all be okay. (I think.)

For Now...

Sometimes, the only thing that makes me feel better is that nothing is permanent.

Hysterical song, enjoy.

Faith: practice makes perfect

As cliche as Nike's "Just Do It" has become I find that it best describes my attitude towards the ritualistic aspects of Islam.

Faith, like everything else in life, is driven more by habit than by internal spiritual motivation. It's a matter of conscious commitment.

The problem is that puts me at odds with the popular religious rhetoric.

We pray our five daily prayers because we believe. We only come to miss praying when it becomes a habit. When I lived in the U.S. praying Isha'a in congregation at the mosque was something I did daily. I miss it when I don't go, not because of some spiritual calling but because it has become a habit. The sights, the sounds, the motions and even the people at the mosque made my night complete.

Yes there is a bond that develops eventually, at least I hope, but it doesn't happen instantly. News Flash: The minute you start praying your life won't change. Chances are NOTHING will happen. Eventually, it becomes part of who you are, you develop a stronger God-consciousness by habit.

This has always been my approach to religion, if something is prescribed and I believe it then I won't wait for a "calling" to at least attempt it.

I've always been bothered by preachers who make rituals romantic. "Fajer prayer will bring you peace and sakeena..." Riiiight. May be true for some BUT personal experience has taught me that in the immediate future fajer prayers will disrupt my sleep and annoy the crap out of me because I have to take it into account while trying to get to sleep the night before.*

Romantics say "hijab will feel right and you'll feel spiritual and protected." I say clearly that's a statement made by a man. Hijab is hot and it crimps your style (if you're doing it right) but that's all beside the point.

If you believe that hijab is right should it matter how it'll make you feel? Because regardless of the way you feel, if you start you'll get used to it and it'll be part of you soon enough. I'm not saying the practice is without challenges.

One of the tabiyeen, the generation after the companions, said something to the effect of "I struggled with myself to pray Qiyam ul-Lail for 20 years, then came to enjoy them 20 years after." If it took a tabi3i, who arguably had a stronger connection to the Prophet than we do and much less distractions, 20 full years to begin to enjoy the voluntary prayers why are preachers talking of instant gratification to my generation?

I guess like pretty much everything else, my approach to religion is practical and logical. And I think religious romantics are doing us all a disfavor with their rhetoric.


Earlier posts on faith here.

Spell Rich.

Inspired by both this and this post:


1) What does being rich mean to you? "How do you define richness?"



2) What motivates you in life?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since I asked it's only fair that I answer first,

1) Money to me means more options. So rich is having a solid house and car, i.e. not falling apart, having enough to travel or be pampered--not necessarily extravagantly) every once in a while. (If I have children it would include not worrying about children's schools/tuition.)

Rich is not a new car every two years, a new purse every week and expensive restaurants everyday. It's just not in me. (If I was a billionaire, I'd probably ride an old boat to my private island.)


I guess even without a full-time job right now I'd consider myself rich.


2) I'm not sure yet. But I know that money is not a strong motivator for me. As long as I have my needs met* and can meet a few wants every now and then, I'm fine. I think serving some sort of purpose is a stronger motivator, but I can't say that with certainty because I haven't really found a "purpose" to serve.






* There seems to be some confusion about my job situation. At one point I said I'm a reporter, at another place I said I met with a client...I've been getting hate-mail calling me a liar (someone needs to get a life rather than trying to find holes in my frivolous blog.)

I'm freelancing right now but I worked as a reporter for awhile. I'm thinking about going back to news writing part-time. We'll see. But I do meet with clients every once in as part of my freelance stuff. I am looking for a full-time job though...Hope I cleared up the confusion?!! I hope this doesn't come up if I ever decide to run for office...yeeesh people. get a life.

Tick Tock Tick...

(Tick Tock originally uploaded by Michael A. Blanchard, flickr)



Alternate title: Stop the !@#$ing ticking in my mind!


I'm having a 1/4 life crisis and today it's the school system's fault.

Since I was 3, I went to nursery school, every year of my life was spent working towards something bigger. There's a reason to go to school everyday.

Although not immediate, there was some sort of gratification that came intermittently and always came as expected.

While at university, every credit counted towards something greater, a college degree, every internship was applied to with the same reasoning, more experience for a better job.

Graduating college is an extremely anticlimactic experience.

The real world sucks.

I graduated college and soon after landed a "good" job. (It's in quotes because the place I worked was selective and prestigious, although it sucked BIG TIME.) Two years at the "good" job and I was going nowhere. So I quit the job (lots of factors including the nature of the job, health, a marriage proposal, and grad school came to play in making this decision). I don't regret quitting the job one bit.

But I can't get over feeling stuck. What am I working towards? And why? Where will I end up? Is that where I want to be?

I blame the school system for making me feel lost. For about 20 years I knew it all. Now, I'm clueless and stuck. The unknown blows.

On a brighter note, I leave you with an anime version of "it sucks to be me" from Avenue Q.