Haleema: Baby-making FAIL!

Disclaimer: Please read this post for what it is. I do not hate Haleema Boland. This post is not a criticism of her in anyway.

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The other day I walked into my parent's house to join my mother in the living room watching a Haleema Boland interview. (Yes, I know, the ones that died that afternoon were my favorite brain cells too.)

halema boland - cute
Originally uploaded by kuwaitbutterfly

Anyway, being the kind, patient daughter that I am and in an attempt to spend more time with my mother I watched the rest of the interview with her.

At one point Masha3il Alzankawi (this keeps getting better) asked Haleema why she doesn't have children yet?

Haleema says something like "I still travel for my job far too much to have children. Being a mother is more than just having a child, it's about nurturing and caring...." which I thought was a pretty decent answer that showed her self-awareness.

And the interviewer keeps digging, "but you're keeping your husband from being a father..." "but you've been married for a long time" "but when are you ever going to have time" "doesn't your husband ever say anything". She kept going for a good 5 minutes about this topic.

Actually I think I said something like "ballah ma tabi ityeeb 3yal '3a9ib?!" (what if she doesn't want any children?) to which my mother has a minor freak out.

Mother: if she didn't want to have children, then why did she get married?
G: I just think its a personal decision and she shouldn't have to answer the question.
Mother: Every man wants children.
G: That's fine but maybe she can't have children.
Mother: Ismillah 3laiha! Don't say that about her!! Maskeena.
G: No seriously, I mean it's a stupid question. What if her husband can't have children?

I can't really remember the rest of that conversation.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is: WORLD, LEAVE THE LADY ALONE!

Frankly, I'm not Haleema's biggest fan. It's a rarity that I ever see her on television because with all due respect her shrill voice annoys me and her war-paint and saritorial choices are visually toxic to me. Whenever she's on I exercise my right to mute and click away.

It is my understanding that this isn't the first time she's been asked the question on air either. One time, my cousin tells me, she answered with "a baby can't have a baby". (The logic seemed to be: let me make myself cute, girly, and immature to avoid the question.)

But that's beside the point, and what's the point you may ask, well there are several:

1) We'd never ask that of a man. If a man was in his late 20's and doesn't have children nobody asks why aren't you producing babies! (Oh right! I forgot! Woman= baby-making machine.)

2) If one sees their lifestyle unfit for a child then who are we to question that?

3) If Haleema, who atleast to people in my circles is seen as a "hussy" who'd do anything for fame, can't say she's putting her career before her family life and not catch the wrath of Masha3il ilzankawi (of all people) then how will the women living comfortably within societal norms who choose to focus on their careers (or merely growing up) before having children ever do?

4) Other people's sex life is none of our business. Just in general.

5) If she ever does choose to have children, are we going to hold it against her? As in thinking she's a mother now she should dress/act/talk differently and stop doing what she's doing?

Please. Let's make this the last time I ever come to Haleema's defense, okay?

Big Bus Company a la Balalee6 style

Yesterday, I gave an out-of-town friend a tour of Kuwait's Gulf Road and all the landmarks along it. We started GE&B's unofficial tour at Dar Salwa (Sheikh Sabah's residence) and ended it at the oil sector headquarters (is that what it's called?) across from the old Salam Palace. Speaking of which, does anyone know why it hasn't been renovated since the occupation?

Seeing Kuwait through fresh eyes and realizing how much my life-story and it's landmark are intertwined...left me nostalgic and feeling awkwardly patriotic. As anyone who knows me will tell you my rah-rah patriotism is tepid at best. I love Kuwait but I'm not blinded by patriotism to see how sucky we can be.

I guess I sort of introduced Kuwait to them as my crazy aunt who I can't help but love but am perpetually annoyed by her. Sometimes though, more than anything I hate loving her and love hating her.

Also, between Dasman Palace, the Sha'ab Palace and Dar Salwa, I was very proud of our Shyookh's relatively humble palaces (compared to my friend's country).

Can you hear me now? Equality and Bedou

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NOTE: I included tribe's names in the post. It's not meant to offend or belittle anyone. It just reads more authentic with then when I wrote it without. Tribes names were not changed. No bedou/7athar, Sunna or Shi3a were harmed in writing in this post.

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Last night, I was at a friend's monthly girl diwaniya. Meeting new people is a lot of fun.

Minor problem, several girls were saying things that made me extremely uncomfortable:


On elections:
"Mako wayed i3yal 3awayil nazleen bilinti5abat, a'3labhum..." she then makes a squirming face and a belittling hand gesture. (translation: there aren't that many candidates from large families i.e."Sunni, non-bedou, rich people" running)


On the freak storm:
"Bricks from our neighbor's house fell onto their covered garage and damaged their cars," upon expressing our sympathies, she adds, "3adi, 3awazim." (translation:it's okay they're from _a certain tribe_.)


On family:
I asked a girl who her mother is (she started it!) and she says "Al-Ajmi, bes moo bedou wallah." It turns out her uncle was a co-worker of mine and I know his family well; they are bedou.

The same girl turns to a girl sitting between us (who, like me, happens to have a tribal last name) and asks her about her mother, upon hearing the last name (a common but unfamiliar name) she goes, "Ee ya3ni zaineen." (translation: "yeah they're okay.") (awkward.)

We say a lot when we think we're in a safe setting.

Equality, my bunions.

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Upon getting ready to leave, I pulled out my folded abaya and hijab and unraveled them while talking to one of the girls. She gasped, "you wear hijab?!" The other six girls sitting around chimed in, "I didn't expect that." "I didn't imagine...you don't look like the type!"

What was that about? I'm taking it as a compliment that my hair wasn't flat.

There's a hijab-wearing type?

can you hear me now? تاتش& مودي

As I eavesdropped into two guys's conversation at the Avenues Mall today (I know...bad G!..but much more fascinating than my sister talking about 7th grade) I wondered:


When did "mood" and "touch" enter the Kuwaiti lexicon?


It's a pet peeve of mine when people use English words and change their meaning in Arabic!!
Case in point: the two guys in the adjacent tables, late 20's, talking:

Guy #1: (talking about boss at work treating him badly)"ana kilish moo moody chithee"

Guy #2: "inta min mita 9ayer iltouch bainik o'baina?" (about the boss)

I've heard mood being used like that several times now. It drives me insane.

But if you want to see me go crazy I hate it when people say "touch". I'm sure he doesn't mean his boss made an inappropriate homosexual advance towards him...NO TOUCHING HAPPENED!! Why the hell would you say touch?

If anything a "touch" is a good thing!

Please join my campaign to stop the simultaneous bastardization of Arabic and English. I'm all for mixing languages (after all, I can't be that big of a hypocrite) let's just stay true to both when we mix.

Think about it this way: Every time you say something stupid like "touch" and "mood" a hair follicle dies and a fat cell makes your love handles its home. In time you'll be left stupid, bald and fat.

Not that I have anything against chunky bald people. Really, I don't. I'm just saying it's unattractive. You being stupid, not being fat and bald.

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Just to show y'all that I now know how to insert a line. (Oh shut up you internet prodigy!)

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Look mom! I did it again!

Next up: HOPE for Kuwait

If anyone's paying attention...Hope is a good campaign slogan.

Future candidate if you're reading this...saying this to me will get you my vote...(in so many words):

This was one of the tasks we set forth at the beginning of this campaign - to continue the long march of those who came before us, a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring and more prosperous America(read:Kuwait). I chose to run for the presidency(read: parliament) at this moment in history because I believe deeply that we cannot solve the challenges of our time unless we solve them together - unless we perfect our union by understanding that we may have different stories, but we hold common hopes; that we may not look the same and we may not have come from the same place, but we all want to move in the same direction - towards a better future for of children and our grandchildren.

In case you missed it, that was part of Barack Obama's speech on race he made in Pennsylvania yesterday.(Nerd alert: 38 minutes of powerful themes and eloquent delivery.)



His speeches are inspirational, healing in a way. I'd like to hear that here.

Call it whatever you want: political maturity. Theatrics. Speech writing. Flag-filled backgrounds. Impressive Orators. Well-groomed people. Cheesy sound bytes. I want it here.

I'm sick of the childish antics of the cabinet, our juvenile representatives and our moronic voters.
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In other news, on the other side of the globe, yesterday I bought mascara. My choices were a "blacker black" and regular old black; who knew black came in "light" and "dark"?! Good ol'black...you'll always be black enough for me. (And yes my lashes are as important as the American election/Kuwaiti political mess if not more.)

Wanted: a sweet family to adopt me

I'm looking for a new home.

If your family fulfills the following criteria please consider me for adoption:

1) Your family doesn't watch Al-Watan TV. Especially not Khalid Al-Abduljaleel and Taw Illail.

2) Your family has a wasta at the traffic department to get me a permit for my tinted car windows.

3) You do not have children between the ages of 0-16 living at home.

4) The food served is delicious.

5) Your laundry room is accessible. (I'd like to be able to do my own laundry.)

6) Your family doesn't discuss celebrity gossip around the dining table.

7) You have an endless supply of Arabic coffee.

8) People answer the phone when it rings.

9) You have highspeed wireless internet.

10) You promise to appreciate my humor.

Bonus points if you're house has a view.

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I love my family. I'm not looking to replace them, I'm looking to--errr--supplement them. We're just not a good match (Part of being a Third Culture Kid, I guess.)

The simple life

"Sleeping Beauty", a female cousin, 25, recently got engaged. Sleeping Beauty by our social standards is a catch. She's pretty, of esteemed "pedigree", has little interest in life outside the home, doesn't leave the house without her mother or older sister (early 30's). In my family, she's a 9. (The only thing keeping her from a 10 is that she doesn't attend all family functions.)

For the past few years, SB wanted nothing more than to get married. She went to any social function where your main job was to look pretty and smile.

Finally at the old age of 25, (I'm kidding but you should hear her talk about her "single-status" she's gotten engaged. (Great guy who I know.)

The truth is I've always been jealous of Sleeping Beauty. Although she's probably one of the few people on the planet who's life is more boring than mine is, I was always envious of her simple life.

There are no internal conflicts: she's never cared about school or having a career or doing something of substance. Any job that required no effort and provided average pay was fine.

She would've married any good guy who came along (which is why it was surprising to the family that she didn't get married earlier), without any hangups on his outlook on life, or where he wanted to be in 10 years.

She could sit perfectly still while the women around her talked about how depression is a result of a person's poor relationship with God and smile and nod.

Although I love her to the moon and back and am really happy for her, it hard for me not to be envious of her simple life and the calm she enjoys in her mind (I've asked, she confirmed).

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She's marrying a simple guy (I know him well) so no worries. Allah itamim 3laihum o'ihaneehum.

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It really is mating season that's why I've been heavy on the marriage posts.

In which I see the need to work on my maturity

My maturity needs work. Lots of work. My first reaction to things I disagree with is an eye roll, which is kind of pathetic.

Act I. Scene 1:
The sun is about to set, G. is racing with about six children at a family gathering at a relative's mazra3a (ranch). AC is a 23 year old woman.

G (yelling): WoooHooo! I'm faster than Bader!
AC: G. you've got to stop running it's almost ma'3rib (sunset).
G: AC you should join our race! Bader's winning all the time.
AC: G. Stop running, its almost ma'3rib.
G (reaching the wall marking the end of the race): What? Ma'3rib? So..?

G calls out for the kids to line up...
G: who's counting down this time? Mohammad count to three...on three everyone start running to the swings...

Kids lining up at the wall. AC walks up and stands in front of the line of children...
AC: Nobody should run it's almost ma'3rib. Jinn come out at ma'3rib and if anyone falls a jinni's gonna possess their body.
G (rolling her eyes): ready, set, go.

G starts running. Kids follow. G finally wins a race.

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In my defense I usually have a lot more respect for people's beliefs. I just hate when people say things that are really scary to children.
I'm open to the idea that there might be other creation sharing this world with us. But I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the whole bathroom-lounging, black-cat possessing, exorcism shebang. And I'm sure as hell not going to restrict my life in anyway to avoid "them".


Anyway, after I went inside to pray, AC confronted me about the whole "incident". I had nothing to say really; on one hand I don't want to offend her by saying she's full of crap. On the other, I don't want to question her beliefs which she expects me to share. Afterall, I don't.

She told me it was a hadith from the Prophet.
G: Okay.
AC: What? You don't believe me? Just because I don't know it in full doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
G: Look it up and let me know.
AC (as she walks into a room full of women): Let's ask someone.

I cringe; women in my family are quite superstitious.

Fortunately, a cousin calls my name...so the conversation ended.

I walked out and visited with the gazelles and the donkey (why my relative has a donkey at her ranch is beyond me) just to diffuse the situation.

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This is my family. These are my cousins. This is what they believe. It's always been the same and chances are they're not going to change. Why can't I just learn to deal with it maturely? Either be ready to stand up for my beliefs or just nod and smile (and in this case stop running).

Either way...I need to work on not getting annoyed by the small things.


Today's lesson: When in doubt, smile, nod and sing "I say a little prayer for you".

Home! (And I forgot to blog)

Aaaah! I haven’t updated since late August. Sorry  During this “hiatus” I’ve had internet problems, been traveling, and gotten sick (again!)

Oh…and Ramadan Mubarak to all!


My surprise trip out of the country turned into this twisted “quest” for the meaning of home.

I made some interesting observations on different people’s idea of “home”.

The cliché is that “home is where the heart is” but I’ve always been in conflict with myself as my feelings tell me that my heart isn’t where my home is.


In talking with expats who were living in Dubai for a variety of reasons I came across people who had extremely different ideas of what home is.
On one hand, I met a Muslim British lady who wants nothing more than for her family to return to the U.K. On another, I met an atheist Dutch lady who thinks three days in the Netherlands is more than enough and living in the Middle East is much more fitting for her family.

I also met Iraqi sisters who agreed that if the situation in Baghdad was not as harsh as it is, they wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world (which was kind of a dis because I’d said that I wouldn’t be devastated to live somewhere other than Kuwait). But I guess when you lose a “home” your sense of patriotism overtakes any other definition of home.

After much thought and deliberation (shda3wa!) my conclusions are:
1) Home is where you want it to be.
2) Home is what you define as “Home”.


What struck a real cord with me was one some Syrian-American lady asked me if I was familiar with the “Third Culture Kid” label.


I’m a TCK! Of course, as is normal for me…I read about it all night and decided that what I’d previously called “the Bastard Children of America” were more kindly labeled as Third Culture Kids by sociologists. YAY! People like me are not chemically imbalanced nor are we merely confused chicken nuggets (which is a label that doesn’t apply here)…but we exist the world over and we’re apparently a global phenomenon.

All in all it has been an interesting and revealing trip.

Today’s lesson: When you ramble about personal struggles that are not shared with other people, you’re just blabbing about uninteresting topics and making a fool out of yourself.